småkul

Andrea, för dig darling: Philosophers break-up lines!

Leibniz: It'd be for the best if we broke up. /// Hegel: The thesis is we're breaking down. The antithesis is to fix it up. The synthesis is...we're breaking up. /// Solipsist: You think the world revolves around you! /// Dualist: My body says yes, but my heart says no! /// Plato: Uh, of course we aren't a couple. I'm Plato! Our relationship is stricly platonic! /// Utilitarian: It’d be better for both of us if I just left. /// Popper: Inductively, I thought I loved you and only you. Deductively, screwing your sister proved that false. /// Descartes: I need to find myself. /// Descartes (part 2): A relationship does not think, therefore our relationship is not. We're over bitch! /// Zeno: We are too distant. /// Theist: I can't explain why I want to break up with you. Therefore, God did it. /// Medieval Scholastic: (1. Our love is defined as that which nothing greater can be thought.) [2. It is greater to love than to be in love, because feeling love is better than being bound to love by a mere preposition.] (3. Therefore, I love you, but I am not IN love with you.) /// Sartre: I am sick of you. /// Occam: I wasn't enough for you, huh? You needed a man with a beard, too! The guy doesn't even own a razor! We're over! I won't be multiplying entities with YOU anytime soon! /// Derrida: We're too "differant". /// Libertarian/Economic Conservative: This relationship is much too taxing. /// Intelligent Design Theorist: Some things about evolution confuse me. Therefore we're breaking up. /// Materialist: Love doesn’t “matter” to you. /// Determinist: It just wasn’t meant to be! /// Marxist: This relationship is just an ideological construct designed to repress my class conciousness! Monogamy is an invention of capitalist swine! /// Nietzsche: We are "over, man". /// Kant: My proposed maxim was to love you. But I could not will to universalize this maxim and have everyone love you, otherwise you'd be cheating on me. Therefore, it is my duty not to love you! /// Logical Positivist: Our love never meant anything--the word "love" has no meaningful content, after all!

/j